I’m an eighteen-year-old tenor saxophone-playing girl with burning rectal itch and self-esteem issues.
I am also an herbal tea afficionado.
I recently met this great guy (let’s call him Dirk) who has offered to teabag me, give me a pearl necklace, and keep my reed wet.
He says he’s a member of the prestigious Smegma Phi fraternity too !!!!!
My problem is this: He wants me to move in with him on the South Shore, where the postal code is E-I-E-I-O. Are there any proctologists there who don’t wear turbans and don’t do rectal probes with their kirpans?