Another good spin on a karaoke party – making sure everybody has adequate spirits in them so that they loosen up – is to select commonly known songs but in a different language. Yes you can sing Abba’s Dancing Queen in Spanish if you rent a Spanish pack. Dean Martin or Michael Jackson in Mandarin or Vietnamese is also a hit as long as they have the English spelling on the screen (My Mandarin Chinese Pictograms computational system isn’t working very well with eight beers in me, let alone none).

See some classic Asian Karaoke failures

Here’s when you know the party’s over and the host wants you out.  Now.

1.  The Bird Dance (It’s a German Beer Garden Oompah song)

German Oompahpah

Anything Polka and/or German Oompah even played during Oktoberfest will drive me to a drinking binge.  You know the expression “drink to forget” or “water down your sorrows”?  Well the inventor of this expression was in Baden Baden or Hamburg stuck listening to this crap.  What is it about German drinking music and the goddamm accordions?

2.  Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – George Michael/Wham

Nothing needs to be said about Wham!  No, really.  Nothing.  Please bury the tapes.

Wham! WTF?

We wanted to show a video to sober everybody up but youtube says “this video cannot be played in your country…”  Thank God for Canada!  No Wham! here!  Too bad we couldn’t say that about #3 just below.

3.  You’re Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Paul Anka When Will You Retire?

I can just picture Anka (this is where I’m not proud that he’s Canadian.  But it’s understandable, he hails from Ottawa, doesn’t he?) him singing this as she’s lying there in the 32^nd hour of labor, epidural worn off, and awaiting a C-Section without anasthesia.

4.  Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill

Don't Touch Me!

The only thing I want you to touch is the volume knob or the on/off switch.

Check the video for yourself

5.  You’re Beautiful James Blunt

So let me look at you while you shut the fuck up Jimmy!

James Blunt

6.  The Little Drummer Boy by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Tabernacle!(subtle French Canadian word)

When I hear this version, I’m reminded of why Helen Keller must have been happy being deaf.  I also wished I could be listening to the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version where I can’t tell who’s who.  Thank God that Christmas music is only played 2 weeks months a year

7.  Hopelessly Devoted to You by– Olivia Newton John (Neutron Bomb, ha ha)

Didn’t her moniker “Olivia Neutron Bomb” appear as a result of this song?

Olivia Neutron Bomb

If it weren’t for Grease and John Travolta, or that Physical video in the early eighties, I guess the only thing that would have come out of Australia would be Paul Hogan and the Crocodile Dundee movies.  Oh wait, we’ve still got that piss-beer called Foster’s.  Oh yeah, and Nicole Kidman.

8.  Gimme Dat Ding by The Pipkins (1971)

Just check out the album cover art.  Says it all. Check out the video if you want to bring up your lunch.

9.  Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners

I thought this tune was catchy when I was in my teens

Dexy Midnight Runners - Remember Eileen? I'm trying not to

but upon careful thought this is when I thought I looked pretty cool with zits all over my face.  When I thought Eileen was a pretty good radio song, nobody else did.

10.  Even In the Quietest Moments by Supertramp

I admit some Supertramp is classic and “listenable”.

SuperCramp!

But some of their material delves into the evil unlistenable and is apparently regularly heard in Guantanamo Bay.  Even the Cubans have asked Obama to stop playing this shit.  Would someone make sure Roger Hodgson and the Tramp never play this in public.

Honorable Mentions

Anything by Wutang Clan

You’ve gotta admit it.  This makes you want to shoot somebody or get in the car and do a drive by.

Wutang Clan

In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly

One acid trip too many or gone wrong?  Guys make music we can all enjoy.

Iron Butterfly

Ornette Coleman – Freejazz

Ornette Coleman Free Jazz

Chinese torture music even for true Jazz aficionados.  Miles Davis reportedly punched Coleman in the face for making such noise and tried to put a hit on him.

Miles Davis Bags Groove

I’m aware that many readers aren’t keen on jazz.  That is until they listen to Davis’ standard, Bags Groove.  This album is Davis at the apex of the Bebop movement, on heroin, making for the best ambient background music.  It’s subtle, bluesy, and gets many people into jazz.  This is the perfect “piano bar” music.

2.  Kind of Blue – Miles Davis

Miles Davis Kind of Blue

Almost the same can be said about Kind of Blue – While Bags Groove is “piano bar” music, Kind of Blue, for me, is “cocktail party” ready.

The beautiful thing is that this album flows like one long song.

3.  It Had to Be You – The Great American Songbook – Rod Stewart

Rod Stewart It Had To Be You

If anybody thought Stewart resorted to covers because he needed the extra cash then nothing he ever does will win their hearts over.  Stewart is a virtuoso with his voice and in 2002 when this album was released, was seasoned enough to take on the crooners.  Good job Rod!  This is the album that your aunt and uncle will say, “this is Rod Stewart?”  if they even ever heard of him.

4.  A Swingin’ Affair – Frank Sinatra

Frank Sinatra A Swingin' Affair

Sinatra in his junior years, but at his best.  His voice changes pitches subtly, and the band would be just as great without him.  Sinatra in the background is time tested ice breaker.  Everyone has something to say at a party from his days in the Rat Pack, his alleged mob ties, his classiness, his inspiration on Michael Buble (but who cares, right?)

After all, who doesn’t enjoy listening to Sinatra?

5.  Live at the Regal – BB King

BB King Live at the Regal

The best live album of all time comes in at number 141 on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums of all time.  Sets a good blues-rock big band thing in the mid to late evening.

6.  Hot August Night – Neil Diamond

Neil Diamond Hot August Night

Here’s Diamond in his rock-on, substance user days, no Jazz Singer here.  A Neil Diamond landmark.  Great stuff!  Double live album.  Appeals to all ages.

7.  Legend – Bob Marley and the Wailers

Bob Marley and the Wailers Legend

The undisputed best classic reggae compilation album is also the best selling reggae album of all time.  It spans  Bob and the band in all periods of their career until his untimely death in 1981.  From the romantic Is This Love, to the slow No Woman No Cry, to dancing to the disco reggae hit Could You Be Loved? This album will give you 50 minutes of timeless listening.

8.  Goodbye Yellow Brick Road – Elton John

Elton John Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Undoubtedly (but arguably) Elton John’s best double album.  Wikipedia refers to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road as his magnus opus, as do many of his fans.  GYBR is John’s first double album and if you get the 2003 30^th anniversary, four bonus tracks are thrown in.  Woo hoo!

9.  Tuesday Night Music Club – Sheryl Crow

Sheryl Crow Tuesday Night Music Club

Three Grammies:  Not bad for a debut album that was originally rejected by the record label.  A kick ass debut album for Crow.  A must for every cool party.

10.  Unplugged – Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton Unplugged

The 1992 Grammy winning album that catapulted Clapton back into the Stratosphere after suffering the terrible loss of his four year old Conor.