Divorce parties not only let us close the door on that misery, these rites of passage provide the ritual we need to help us heal. They offer us a way to celebrate a new independence, to thank those who have stood by us through the muck, and to announce to the world that we are ready to move on in life. Finally, it’s official.

Save the Date

It’s tempting to set a date for your party as soon as divorce proceedings get under way. But muster up all your patience and wait until things are just short of being finalized. Like any social gathering, your party will require some preparation ahead of time, and you don’t want to be thinking about guest lists and napkin rings in the throes of legal negotiations. You’ll be in much better spirits if you show up at your divorce party with decree in hand.

The Guesting Game

Divorce party guest lists come in all shapes and sizes, and the only factor that determines who you invite is personal comfort level. Would you feel better surrounded by guests of the same sex, or does a co-ed event feel more like a celebration? Do you want to just hang with other divorcees? Does it feel right to bring together only the people who have stood by you through this many-monthed mammoth of a nightmare or are you hoping for something more inclusive, with coworkers and neighbors? Are you on really (really, really) good terms with your ex and feel that they should be there? The only right answers to these questions can come from you, so put some thought into it and — if it helps — start with a long list and whittle it down.

Deck the Halls

The intensely organized go so far as to print up invitations, arrange a gift registry (ideal for those who lost it all in settlement) and announcements for their party. Some get a kick out of decorating the party space (rented-out restaurant, bar, friend’s house, etc.) with streamers, obscenely decorated cakes, voodoo dolls, piñatas, balloons and bowls of snack food. Get some ideas from Christine Gallagher, a writer from L.A., who published a book in 2003 called The Divorce Party Planner: How to Throw a Divorce or Breakup Party and has sold thousands on her website, http://www.revengelady.com/.

One word to the wise: decorations, catered food and other props can ring up a hefty tally, so be realistic about what you can afford with your new single-income earning status and stay within that budget.

Pieces of the Action

Besides the usual telling of (hopefully by now) funny stories and making plans for the future, the activities at your divorce party can be as uneventful or as coordinated as you like. I’ve read of some recently divorced folks who have hired officiates or asked a close friend to perform a short, meaningful sermon about healing and the joy of change, and about a woman who asked her mother to lead a renaming ceremony in which she symbolically gave her daughter back her maiden name.

Others still have projected First Wives Club or War of Roses in one area of the gathering and had a ceremonial burning of the marriage license in another area. Don’t feel pressured to include any of these aspects if they don’t feel right to you. A low-key gathering of a few close friends can be just as momentous as one that takes months to organize. The details of your party should reflect your mood and own personal style.

And Just Don’t…

Even if your divorce party is lush with hot and horny singles, it’s probably best not to fool around with one of them at or just after the gathering. After all, this is an event intended to celebrate your newly reclaimed independence, and bringing a sexual interest into the picture now complicates your newfound simplicity of lifestyle.

Other experiences to avoid at your fete include getting totally trashed (you don’t want to want to get all weepy or confrontational), destroying any tangible memories of your marriage’s happy times (your wedding album and keepsakes from your courting days might mean the world to your kids), and making plans to do anything of importance the next day.

And remember that this event is not about badmouthing, trash talking or hurting the person you’ve fallen out of love with. This is an occasion to commemorate your personal path of healing and newfound independence.

By Kelly Jones

Traps husbands fall in
When your better half says, “honey, now don’t go out and max out the credit card for me this year. I really don’t want anything, let’s save our money…” this actually means the opposite. Believe me, I took this literally one year
(Thank God I didn’t get her anything on her birthday, not Christmas).

Did she explain this “opposite” concept (or trap) to me? No. Thankfully, some women at work were gossiping about their moron husbands falling in the same trap. I jumped in and said that generally we guys don’t try to act stupid or thick on purpose. We just don’t know better sometimes. That’s when they called me a bastard. Let me qualify that: My wife insisted she didn’t want anything and that I should save my money for the kids. I obeyed. I’m a bastard.

The following year I splurged and spent $1000 more than usual on her. The reaction was of surprise, but not of disappointment. Less than a week later she was in line at the Boxing Day sales (Boxing Day in Canada is like Black Friday in the US, except it’s the day after Christmas, not Thanksgiving.)

Or maybe you’re going full steam ahead when you abruptly blank and have no idea where to steer the conversation next. It happens to the best of us and it doesn’t exactly impress the pants off of that hottie you’ve so far managed to charm into hanging out with you.

Thankfully, authors David Matalon and Chris Woolsey have come out with the cure for awkward silences, empty talk about the weather and worst of all, embarrassing conversation faux pas. Their book, The Concise Guide to Sounding Smart at Parties: An Irreverent Compendium of Must-Know Info from Sputnik to Smallpox and Marie Curie to Mao, is a humorous and very informative read that they say will “transform you into the supernova of the party universe.”

Co-author Matalon talked to Click Magazine recently about the book, how smart is the new sexy, and gaining the confidence to talk.

Click: One thing I found extremely troubling with the book is that it makes it sound like I won’t be able to rely on my stunning good looks anymore. Is that the case?

David Matalon: I think your stunning good looks will always come in handy. That’s just an extra bonus.

Click: Phew… Why did you feel that this book needed to be written?

DM: Well, I had been going out to parties and I had found that there were certain names and events and things that I thought were pretty much common knowledge that I would mention that people didn’t seem to remember. I remember growing up, people knew who Franz Ferdinand was. They knew who Nietzsche was and they could actually say something about them. So I felt that probably what was happening was that everyone was so busy cramming all that information in their heads at school that they had just forgotten it. And it’s really fascinating cool stuff to talk about if you approach it from the position of ‘Oh that’s interesting.’

Click: Who do you think will gain the most from reading this book?

DM: When we started out we thought it’d be great for people who are socializing a lot and going to business parties and stuff like that, but it’s amazing because I’ve sat and watched people of all ages and both sexes laugh out loud and say “Oh my God I need this book.” At the end of the day, the book doesn’t make you a genius, but it gives you the confidence to have conversations.

Click: This may sound sexist, but do you think that there’s less pressure for women to sound smart?

DM: That’s an interesting question… there are more women executives, more women in professional roles, the competition’s higher and you have to have something to say, especially if you’re trying to get the attention of your boss or someone you’re romantically interested in. If there are two women of equal beauty, but one’s got a great personality and is smart and the other isn’t… I think the smarter one’s going to get more attention.

Click: Do you see a shift in thinking that makes intelligence a higher commodity than looks or money?

DM: I think definitely for men there is. I think women have always been attracted to intelligence. But I do believe there is a shift now, especially with shows like Sex and the City, which shows that you can be beautiful and sexy, but you can also have a great job and personality and you can be more. And that archetype of that powerful woman becomes very attractive.

Click: Now… if I’ve convinced someone that I’m smart at a party, how do I keep it up at subsequent meetings?

DM: Being smart is being part of a dialog and taking an interest in the other person. There’s an awareness to see when those eyes are glazing over and stop and listen. That’s part of being smart too — listening. If you find that there’s a subject of particular interest that the other person had shared with you, go read about it. Also, go read about something that you’re not an expert on and you can talk outside your realm of usual conversation. What happens then is that you become interested in what you’re saying. I think, very often, we tell our same stories again and again and we get a little tired of ourselves. So if you’re learning things that you’re excited about, I think that’s part of what makes someone smart — their passion for the subject.

Click: We’re always told to ask lots of questions when you meet someone new and put the focus on them. Do you think that’s right?

DM: Don’t be afraid to make statements. One of our intentions with the book is to make you confident. It’s good to ask questions, but you’ve got to be careful that it doesn’t become an interview. So, I prefer statements to questions in a dating environment.

Click: Are smart people finally getting the respect they deserve?

DM: There used to be a social taboo against being an egghead or a geek, but it’s coming back. And people really respect smart people. Who doesn’t want to be as successful or as smart as someone like Gates or Trump or Jon Stewart? There’s a lot of respect for intelligence.

By Ambrose Diaz first seen on http://holidays.canoe.ca/Relationships/Lavalife/2009/12/02/12007576.html

Another good spin on a karaoke party – making sure everybody has adequate spirits in them so that they loosen up – is to select commonly known songs but in a different language. Yes you can sing Abba’s Dancing Queen in Spanish if you rent a Spanish pack. Dean Martin or Michael Jackson in Mandarin or Vietnamese is also a hit as long as they have the English spelling on the screen (My Mandarin Chinese Pictograms computational system isn’t working very well with eight beers in me, let alone none).

See some classic Asian Karaoke failures

Here’s when you know the party’s over and the host wants you out.  Now.

1.  The Bird Dance (It’s a German Beer Garden Oompah song)

German Oompahpah

Anything Polka and/or German Oompah even played during Oktoberfest will drive me to a drinking binge.  You know the expression “drink to forget” or “water down your sorrows”?  Well the inventor of this expression was in Baden Baden or Hamburg stuck listening to this crap.  What is it about German drinking music and the goddamm accordions?

2.  Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – George Michael/Wham

Nothing needs to be said about Wham!  No, really.  Nothing.  Please bury the tapes.

Wham! WTF?

We wanted to show a video to sober everybody up but youtube says “this video cannot be played in your country…”  Thank God for Canada!  No Wham! here!  Too bad we couldn’t say that about #3 just below.

3.  You’re Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Paul Anka When Will You Retire?

I can just picture Anka (this is where I’m not proud that he’s Canadian.  But it’s understandable, he hails from Ottawa, doesn’t he?) him singing this as she’s lying there in the 32^nd hour of labor, epidural worn off, and awaiting a C-Section without anasthesia.

4.  Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill

Don't Touch Me!

The only thing I want you to touch is the volume knob or the on/off switch.

Check the video for yourself

5.  You’re Beautiful James Blunt

So let me look at you while you shut the fuck up Jimmy!

James Blunt

6.  The Little Drummer Boy by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Tabernacle!(subtle French Canadian word)

When I hear this version, I’m reminded of why Helen Keller must have been happy being deaf.  I also wished I could be listening to the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version where I can’t tell who’s who.  Thank God that Christmas music is only played 2 weeks months a year

7.  Hopelessly Devoted to You by– Olivia Newton John (Neutron Bomb, ha ha)

Didn’t her moniker “Olivia Neutron Bomb” appear as a result of this song?

Olivia Neutron Bomb

If it weren’t for Grease and John Travolta, or that Physical video in the early eighties, I guess the only thing that would have come out of Australia would be Paul Hogan and the Crocodile Dundee movies.  Oh wait, we’ve still got that piss-beer called Foster’s.  Oh yeah, and Nicole Kidman.

8.  Gimme Dat Ding by The Pipkins (1971)

Just check out the album cover art.  Says it all. Check out the video if you want to bring up your lunch.

9.  Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners

I thought this tune was catchy when I was in my teens

Dexy Midnight Runners - Remember Eileen? I'm trying not to

but upon careful thought this is when I thought I looked pretty cool with zits all over my face.  When I thought Eileen was a pretty good radio song, nobody else did.

10.  Even In the Quietest Moments by Supertramp

I admit some Supertramp is classic and “listenable”.

SuperCramp!

But some of their material delves into the evil unlistenable and is apparently regularly heard in Guantanamo Bay.  Even the Cubans have asked Obama to stop playing this shit.  Would someone make sure Roger Hodgson and the Tramp never play this in public.

Honorable Mentions

Anything by Wutang Clan

You’ve gotta admit it.  This makes you want to shoot somebody or get in the car and do a drive by.

Wutang Clan

In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly

One acid trip too many or gone wrong?  Guys make music we can all enjoy.

Iron Butterfly

Ornette Coleman – Freejazz

Ornette Coleman Free Jazz

Chinese torture music even for true Jazz aficionados.  Miles Davis reportedly punched Coleman in the face for making such noise and tried to put a hit on him.

Whip open your Yellow Pages or Google Local Business.  Find a comedian who does parties.  Call a few.  I found that comedians were more expensive than having a magician (magicians are great for kids parties) but it was well worth it.  Call a few more and get quotes for a party.  Interview at least three comedians and determine the best one for your group.

We found a comedian who, during the interview, brought us to tears without even cracking a joke.  The idea is that the office party was to be held at a local restaurant reception hall with waited staff.  The comedian was to blend in as a server and just be totally moronic about it, get the patrons (yes, this could be your boss) orders wrong, and short of starting a fight, had a victim for every joke he pulled, but in good taste.

When we signed him on, we provided a list of employees’ names, their latest photo, and their biggest gripe or running gag.  The comedian fully exploited these “little character flaws” and it took about an hour before everybody realized he wasn’t really a server.  It was classic.  At that point, everybody wanted to be served by him and be the butt of his jokes.  Then he opened the full canons and organized the sixty of us into about us into groups of about six and just had us do the most embarrassing dares and challenges for another couple of hours, all the while making it “good taste” funny and hilarious.  We talked about it for weeks after.

Expect to pay about $400-$800 for a good comedian for about 3-4 hours of entertainment.

Hire a Comedian

Luigi Bormioli Trifle Bowl

The Luigi Bormioli Trifle Bowl with Lid is an elegant way to serve up a side of style with your beautiful summer desserts. The clear glass of this elegant trifle bowl showcases the delicate colors and flavors of fruit layered with custard and cookie, while the handy clear lid makes serving and storing your sweets simple. This trifle dish measures 8 1/2 inches high with a 48-oz. capacity – that’s enough to serve a group of guests and dish up some seconds too. This stylish glass serving dish is made in Italy, and is available for $35 at Macy’s.

Serving this traditional English dessert in a glass pedestal bowl shows off its impressive layers of ladyfingers, pudding, and colorful fruits. If you don’t have one, a regular glass bowl will also do the trick.

Ingredients
• 1 package (3.4-ounce) instant vanilla pudding
• 4 cups fresh berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, or blackberries), washed and hulled, plus extra for garnish
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

Instructions
• To make the fillings, prepare the pudding according to the package directions and chill it.
• Slice the strawberries, if you’re using them, then toss all of the berries with the lemon juice and the 1/4 cup of sugar. Set aside for 30 minutes to allow the berries to release their juices.
• In a medium mixing bowl, whip the cream, vanilla extract, and remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar until soft peaks form. Set aside.
• To make the layers, set a layer of ladyfingers (around 7 or 8 ) on the bottom of a large, clear serving bowl (ours was 4 quarts). Top with the berries with half of the pudding.

Trifle Dessert

• Add another layer of ladyfingers, another third of the berries and juice, and the rest of the pudding. Add a final layer of ladyfingers and berries. Top with the whipped cream and a berry garnish.
• Refrigerate until you’re ready to serve. Serves 8 to 10.
• 1 cup whipping cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 24 to 36 ladyfingers

Miles Davis Bags Groove

I’m aware that many readers aren’t keen on jazz.  That is until they listen to Davis’ standard, Bags Groove.  This album is Davis at the apex of the Bebop movement, on heroin, making for the best ambient background music.  It’s subtle, bluesy, and gets many people into jazz.  This is the perfect “piano bar” music.

2.  Kind of Blue – Miles Davis

Miles Davis Kind of Blue

Almost the same can be said about Kind of Blue – While Bags Groove is “piano bar” music, Kind of Blue, for me, is “cocktail party” ready.

The beautiful thing is that this album flows like one long song.

3.  It Had to Be You – The Great American Songbook – Rod Stewart

Rod Stewart It Had To Be You

If anybody thought Stewart resorted to covers because he needed the extra cash then nothing he ever does will win their hearts over.  Stewart is a virtuoso with his voice and in 2002 when this album was released, was seasoned enough to take on the crooners.  Good job Rod!  This is the album that your aunt and uncle will say, “this is Rod Stewart?”  if they even ever heard of him.

4.  A Swingin’ Affair – Frank Sinatra

Frank Sinatra A Swingin' Affair

Sinatra in his junior years, but at his best.  His voice changes pitches subtly, and the band would be just as great without him.  Sinatra in the background is time tested ice breaker.  Everyone has something to say at a party from his days in the Rat Pack, his alleged mob ties, his classiness, his inspiration on Michael Buble (but who cares, right?)

After all, who doesn’t enjoy listening to Sinatra?

5.  Live at the Regal – BB King

BB King Live at the Regal

The best live album of all time comes in at number 141 on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums of all time.  Sets a good blues-rock big band thing in the mid to late evening.

6.  Hot August Night – Neil Diamond

Neil Diamond Hot August Night

Here’s Diamond in his rock-on, substance user days, no Jazz Singer here.  A Neil Diamond landmark.  Great stuff!  Double live album.  Appeals to all ages.

7.  Legend – Bob Marley and the Wailers

Bob Marley and the Wailers Legend

The undisputed best classic reggae compilation album is also the best selling reggae album of all time.  It spans  Bob and the band in all periods of their career until his untimely death in 1981.  From the romantic Is This Love, to the slow No Woman No Cry, to dancing to the disco reggae hit Could You Be Loved? This album will give you 50 minutes of timeless listening.

8.  Goodbye Yellow Brick Road – Elton John

Elton John Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Undoubtedly (but arguably) Elton John’s best double album.  Wikipedia refers to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road as his magnus opus, as do many of his fans.  GYBR is John’s first double album and if you get the 2003 30^th anniversary, four bonus tracks are thrown in.  Woo hoo!

9.  Tuesday Night Music Club – Sheryl Crow

Sheryl Crow Tuesday Night Music Club

Three Grammies:  Not bad for a debut album that was originally rejected by the record label.  A kick ass debut album for Crow.  A must for every cool party.

10.  Unplugged – Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton Unplugged

The 1992 Grammy winning album that catapulted Clapton back into the Stratosphere after suffering the terrible loss of his four year old Conor.

How does a single person celebrate Thanksgiving? You could volunteer at a local soup kitchen, which is very admirable, but not a favorite choice for everyone. You could take up your co-worker on their offer to have you as a guest for their Thanksgiving dinner, although that can be awkward. You could pony up the money to visit your family, but that may not be an option everyone can afford.

The most festive option for a single person is to throw a party. Hosting a Thanksgiving Day party does require planning and preparation, but having a few close friends over is fun and makes the day a lot more fun.

Preparing Your Home for a Thanksgiving Party

A Thanksgiving party will be different than an average party in that you’ll want to create a cozy atmosphere. This is easy enough to do. If you have a dining room table, you’re in luck. Find a nice, small bouquet of autumn flowers at your local florist or market and use them as a centerpiece. If you don’t have a tablecloth, get a runner. Remember to use nice cloth napkins and napkin rings.

Another nice touch is to present your guests with fall theme party favors. You can also use them as decorations for the dinner table. It will also provide a conversation starter at the table. Ideas for fall theme party favors include fall leaf candleholder favors which add the brilliance of fall or autumn to your table. Leaf wine bottle openers make a great practical and unique party favors for your guests. Fall leaf design candle favors will color and warmth to the table setting. Personalized cappuccino and cocktail favors will serve to add a personal touch.

If you don’t have a kitchen table (never fear – many single folks don’t) make sure there is ample seating room for your guests.

Another nice, homey touch is scented candles. You can buy them in just about any scent, but for today you’ll want to get some that are apple pie or cinnamon scented. It’ll probably be chilly outside, but you’ll want your guests to feel warm in your house or apartment.

If you have a fireplace, set a fire before everyone comes over. A fireplace is the best for creating a comfy atmosphere.

Cooking the Dinner

There are a million recipe web sites that will provide instructions on how to cook each Thanksgiving dinner dish. If you feel up to it, you could certainly buy the groceries and prepare the dinner. You could also ask each person attending your party to bring their favorite dish, but you should still prepare the turkey and/or ham.

You could ask one of your friends to help you prepare the dinner. It would be a great time to catch up, share cooking secrets, and have a good time.

Get it Catered

With enough advance planning, you could get your Thanksgiving Day dinner catered. Better yet, you could order the entire dinner from your local supermarket and go pick it up. Safeway, Albertson’s, and other major grocery store chains that have delis usually offer Thanksgiving and holiday complete meals that can be ordered and picked up. Make sure you order enough for leftovers!

The Festive Drinks

Not all great parties have alcohol but if your does, try some holiday beers or hot drinks. Samuel Adams, Alaskan Brewing Company, and several other brewing companies offer seasonal ales that would make your holiday party special. You can’t go wrong with a white or red wine. Hot cocoa and apple cider are traditional favorites. Don’t forget something for the designated drivers.

Remember, the most important part of hosting a Thanksgiving Day dinner party
is to enjoy yourself. Don’t stress too much about how everything turns out and you’ll have a wonderful day.

Table Decorations
First of all, you must make sure that your table decorations have appropriate fall or Thanksgiving theme. You want to look for fall colors such as red, orange, yellow, or brown and patterns like pumpkins, squash, pilgrims, leaves, Native Americans, turkey, etc. Then, you can easily mix and match your dishes, flatware, serving wear, table cloth, etc. You want your guest to experience the fall spirit.

Drinks
You want an assortment of both alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks. To start off the evening, you want to offer your guests ice tea, soda, beer, or wine. Then at dinner, you want to serve ice tea, soda, or wine. Make sure you offer both red and white wines to your guests at dinner. Wine drinkers usually prefer one over the other. At dessert, you want to serve either hot tea, coffee, blush wine (white zinfandel), or port wine. If you want to get creative with drinks, you can add some Thanksgiving spice by making pumpkin lattes or pumpkin martinis.

Turkey
Eating turkey is a tradition on thanksgiving, and it’s delicious. You can deep fry turkey, which is the newest trend. Or for a more healthy turkey, you can use olive oil instead of vegetable oil and add some zesty herbs and spices. If vegetarians are attending your Thanksgiving celebration, don’t forget to pick up a tofu turkey, so they can join in on the eating celebration.

Side Dishes
Depending on how many guests are attending and what their preferences are, you can determine how many side dishes and the type of side dishes you want to serve. First, you want to have the typical thanksgiving side dishes such as stuffing, cranberry sauce, and gravy (for the turkey of course). Then, you would need a few potato dishes such as bake potatoes, mashed potatoes, roasted potatoes, or sweet potatoes. You can get a little bit creative with potatoes by adding some marshmallows and brown sugar to sweet potatoes, throwing in some garlic and cheddar in mash potatoes, or getting a few fixings like bacon, chives, sour cream, butter, and cheese for your guests to create a loaded bake potato. After, you want to get some veggies for health conscious guests. Some good options are green bean casseroles, broccoli, brussel sprouts, asparagus, or winter squash. Don’t add any butter or cheese beforehand to the vegetables, so you can accommodate the healthy eaters. You can always have sides of butter and cheese for other guests to add. Last of all, you need some warm bread or rolls to complete the side dishes. You can pick up some easy to bake bread or croissant rolls. Or if you are adventurous, you can even make homemade bread.

Dessert
The typical Thanksgiving desserts are pecan, apple or pumpkin pies. You can also add a few other desserts for guests who don’t care for pies such as cookies, fresh fruit, cupcakes, or cake. For an added bonus, you can incorporate thanksgiving foods such as pecans, apples, and pumpkins to create other fall desserts like pecan cookies, pumpkin bread, or apple cake. Regardless of how many guest you invite, make sure that there is an assortment of desserts that they would like.

Now, you have your thanksgiving check off list, so you wouldn’t forget to miss anything. You can purchase thanksgiving decor as well as food for your Thanksgiving meal by visiting Online