Every now and then many of you find yourselves in a situation where you need love songs to break up because you don’t have an exit strategy for a crusty, stale, dead-end relationship but you just don’t know how to break her the news. You just don’t have the balls to tell her. You’re more of the subtle type. So why don’t you dedicate a song to her?
10. Boogie – John Hartford
This is actually a love song with a sincere motive: Do you want to boogie with me? However, if you actually listen to it you would be overtaken by an urge to vomit more intense than any amount of epicac you could ingest. Seriously bad song to dedicate to your loved one. But a hilarious serenade to get her in the mood nonetheless. But be careful, this song could actually backfire on you.
9. Bad Love – Eric Clapton
Cliché you think? Perhaps, but it gets the message across.
8. Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw? – Jimmy Buffet
Why don’t we? Ask your new squeeze if she likes Jimmy Buffet (who doesn’t, right?) and I’m sure she’ll say, “oh yeah, I like Margaritaville!”.
7. Sex Machine – James Brown
Just when your better half was expecting flowers, chocolates, or jewellery, you give her the dildo gift box with rechargeable batteries. Add this to your list of love songs to break up.
6. I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – Meatloaf
Pretty self-explanatory, huh?
5. As Bad As This – Styx
Just a bad song. Nuff said. Appropriate title
4. Bitch – The Rolling Stones
The quintessential, truth be said Rolling Stones song about what you really want to call her. So quit salivating like a Pavlov dog and get to it, mate!
3. Cold as Ice – Foreigner
How appropriate? A little less subtle but to the point. You could also double-up and dedicate this to your mother-in-law as well.
2. Sick of You – Cake
A lot less subtle than our Foreigner entry; if she doesn’t get it then this is your own fault for hooking up with a non-English speaking Chinese-Russian-Indonesian import.
1. Fuck You Like an Animal – Nine Inch Nails
Nothing can really out do a title like this as a Valentine’s day dedication. If she gets moved when she hears this song then take advantage of the moment but remember to close your eyes romantically while you really fantasize about Sofia Vergara
If you have more love songs to break up to let us know in the comments.